Have A Nice Day! The Return on Investment of War. A Story in Three Acts.
Doris picks up the mail and brings it to the kitchen table. Inside a manila envelope from the government is an invoice for three wars: Vietnam, Iraq, and Afghanistan. Their household share is $55,000–$75,000. As she reads the itemized results to her husband Phil—each war’s objective, cost, and outcome—a pattern emerges: every conflict ended worse than or identical to where it started. The total carrying cost is $200–300 billion a year. The wars ended; the bill did not. Then the doorbell rings. A government man named Elmer is there with a glossy prospectus for a new war—Operation Epic Fury, the war with Iran. He describes what’s wanted. He is vague on what might be gained. Phil asks him the return on investment. Elmer smiles, laughs, and walks out the door with these words: “Have a nice day.” Every number in this story is real. Phil and Doris are fictional. Their bill is not.
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